I bet that gpatmac is ABNRanger...

First-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students.


The teacher asked, "Harry, what is your problem?"


Harry answered,"I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"


Ms. Brooks had now had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained the situation to the principal. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.


Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.


Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"


Harry: "9"


Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"


Harry: "36"


And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.


The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade."


Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions." The principal and Harry both agreed.


Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"


Harry, after a moment: "Legs."


Ms. Brooks: "What do you have in your pants that I do not have in mine?"


The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question?


Harry replied: "Pockets."


Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"


Harry: "Pants"


Ms. Brooks: What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?


Harry: "Coconut"


Ms. Brooks: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?


The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer.


Harry: "Bubble gum"


Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?" The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer.


Harry: "Shake hands"


Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"
Harry: "Firetruck"


The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong."

Amazing joke TCS!!!

PS: I want more of harry's adventures on the the 5th Grade!

Check out my page here...

www.testriffic.com/superz316

I've got a lot of jokes and pictures there if you really like them...

WARNING - LOTS OF RUDE WORDS - WELL.... IT IS A TOURETTES JOKE AFTER ALL!

An out of work pianist with Tourettes Syndrome is strolling around the streets and bars of Soho one unemployed afternoon.

Walking down Dean Street he sees a lounge bar with a sign in the window 'Pianist wanted for evening performances'.

'Fucking get in there you cunt!' he says to himself and goes to the bar. 'Get the fucking manager of this pigshit middle class wankhole please... you cunt', he says to a somewhat startled barman. The barman however obliges and his manager comes upstairs. 'Can I help you
sir?' he says 'Yes you can you fat piece of shit, I saw your poxy advert in the cunting window and I'm here to audition.....wanker.' The manager is naturally put off by the man's abrasive manner but his dire need for
a top class pianist forces him to agree to an audition. The first tune the Pianist plays is an uplifting jazzy number, not too involving, yet utterly melodic. At the end the thrilled barman cries, 'Wonderful, wonderful. What was that called?' 'That song was called "Excuse me prime minister but I just fucked your daughter, and now the bitch is blind...'

'Oh' says the manager 'err, can you play me another. Something a little less "lively". 'Wanker..' interjects the pianist before launching into a powerful ballad which leaves the manager in tears. The manager through
his salty teardrops asks him the title.

'That little number was called "Sometimes when you do a bird up the arse you get shit on your bell-end.' I see' says the manager, 'Have you got any songs with less offensive titles?' 'Well there's my jazz number "Do you want me to split your ringhole", or there's the epic "I don't care if you're older my dear, you've still got nice jugs". 'Look' says the
manager interrupting, I think you're a superb pianist but the title of your songs are a little "racy". I will hire you on the condition that you do not introduce your songs or speak to the audience.' 'Fuck it' says the pianist 'Why not'. On his first night everything is going superbly the crowd are lapping up his repertoire and his silence is being received as modesty.

The only thing putting off the pianist is that in the front row there is a gorgeous blonde in a black evening dress with a split up the side
revealing the tops of her stockings, and a plunging neckline which boasts a proud and inviting cleavage.

During the interval the pianist has got such an impressive 'swelling' that he decides to go to the bog and polish one off, to 'relax himself'. Just as he has 'relinquished' he hears himself being re-introduced over the P.A, so he rushes back to the stage and finishes his act. After the show he is at the bar relaxing when the blonde approaches him. 'Hi' she says. 'Hello' he winces, struggling to hold in the expletives. She leans over and whispers in his ear, 'Do you know your penis is hanging out of your trousers, and spunk is dribbling onto
your shoes?'

'Know it?' says the pianist putting his beer on the bar confidently, I fucking wrote it!!!'

What did the sign on the whorehouse door say?

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it said, "Beat It, We're Closed"!!!

What is the square root of 69?

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8 (ate) something!!

What does Brittney Spears and a Barbie doll have in common?

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they're both 100% plastic!!

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

Jack had to force himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in Lipstick:

"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son... What happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.

Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"

His son replies, "Oh THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, I'm married!!"

Broken Coffee Table: $239.99. Hot Breakfast: $4.20. Two Aspirins: $.38. Saying the right thing, at the right time. . . PRICELESS!!!

cute joke jaci